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Alexey Guzey
@alexeyguzey
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I'm broke, divorced, and unemployed. By any reasonable measure, I'm probably the worst person in the world to ask for advice. Yet my friends keep asking me to help them figure out whatever difficult life situation they're facing right now. Which makes me think that they do for some reason find my advice valuable. Which in turn makes me think I should offer even more advice. I've been pondering how whenever I didn't have the ability to "confess" to anyone in the past, I would start making terrible decisions and slowly start losing my mind. (my hypothesis for the world going crazy is in a large part because when people stopped taking church seriously they also lost the only place where they could confess and be accepted fully and unconditionally, therefore losing a fundamental sense of security in the world; & without a fundamental sense of security in the world life is impossible.) I'm also thinking about 3rd spaces here: libraries, cafes, McDonald's, WeWorks, parks, churches again. When I don't have a 3rd space to hang out at, I basically can't function. Talking to random people is kind of like a social analog of a 3rd space — yes they don't really know you, but you'll also never talk to them again, so you are free to tell them anything, while they can actually be honest with you. I've only ever had one real job. When I had nobody but my boss and immediate colleagues to talk to, it was almost impossible. What saved me was finding someone in the company who was far enough from me organizationally that they clearly had no stake in any of the problems I was having and who I therefore could talk to about my issues freely. (I was fired eventually but for unrelated reasons — in retrospect, it was a bad idea to keep deferring to God as the final authority on what's the right thing to do when my manager kept trying to assign me specific projects and deadlines). Anyway, I keep thinking about this and I feel like most people I know don't have this "3rd person" to talk to about whatever is bothering them and that when I'm able to be in this role for my friends and acquaintances, they often find it really helpful (a friend reading a draft of this essay told me my advice changed their life). Going back to the beginning of the essay -- I've failed at every career aspiration I've ever had and at every romantic relationship I've ever had; recently I've taken up smoking and drinking hard liquor in the afternoons; as I'm writing this, I don't know where I'm sleeping tonight. I definitely gave terrible advice to a bunch of people over the years (advice I was giving to one friend was so bad he grabbed a knife and almost stabbed me; I sent him the draft of this essay and he replied with "I actually want to ask for advice lol" 🥴). It is in a way pretentious to even be writing this piece and yet… I've not been able to stop thinking about posting it for months now. So -- all things considered, please take this as an open invitation to ask me for advice (about anything) by emailing advice@guzey.com. Stay frosty, Alexey
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Alexey Guzey
@alexeyguzey
permalink: guzey.com/advice-invitat also see my favorite advice from
@tylercowen
: marginalrevolution.com/marginalrevolu
guzey.com
I’m broke, divorced, and unemployed. - Alexey Guzey
I’m broke, divorced, and unemployed. By any reasonable measure, I’m probably the worst person in the world to ask for advice. Yet my friends keep asking me to help them figure out whatever difficult...
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Holly ⏸️ Elmore
@ilex_ulmus
Sorry to hear things are so rough for you right now 😢 I think you are right to look for a solid base of love, and it is out there, but it's pretty hard to find in this social milieu. TPOT tries to be nice but it's still a status rat race, too. You don't have to impress anyone.
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Andy Kong
@oldestasian
Concept of a “third person” is good. I think the role of a therapist is similar, because people are often not willing to share sorrows with their acquaintances even though they are just as socially distant
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Neil Warren ⏹️
@BancquartNeil
I sent you an email asking for advice 20 minutes ago, and felt kinda guilty because it's the second time within a week I do that. Reading this tweet right afterwards feels surreal. Not that I'm religious... but the timing feels like a small divine intervention. Thanks :D
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Justin Murphy
@jmrphy
I respect what you’re doing right now. Always was sympathetic to your projects from afar, but this real talk is where thinking people distinguish themselves ultimately. Watching with interest. And wishing you well.
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Richard Hanania
@RichardHanania
Alexey, sorry to hear about what you’re going through. For what it’s worth, I’ve always been impressed with what you’ve been trying to do and if nothing else you at least are thinking about the big problems facing humanity and have tried to find solutions to them. Good luck.
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Aaron Stupple
@astupple
Advice is not about replicating what someone else does. It’s about helping think through the recipient’s problems, which is not at all like the advice giver’s problems. We are general intelligences, so we can think about any problem.
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Trash Crab
@bonsaicrab
it's a popular contemporary failure mode, many stories written about it - looking inward and, as a result, spiralling into delusion when what you needed was to interact with reality
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blurry
@blurrybound
Hey me too! Not divorced but I do have a child. And I’ve got energy to burn and optimism for the first time in years. Also don’t know what I’m doing
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Y
@grokkom
“deferring to God as the final authority on what's the right thing to do when my manager kept trying to assign me specific projects and deadlines.” Based 😂😂
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Виктория Малясова
@malsova1
I benefitted from your advice too. The article about following up. I started sending 3 follow up emails when I cared about getting a response, actually got a response and restored some trust in humanity that way. I hope you get better soon!
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Neatria Brooks
@Tweetdeepernb
Omg same? Except the afternoon drinking and smoking part ( recently quit vaping tho so same vibe) . Also I’ve been giving advice even without being asked to all avenues of the internet - & people seem to mostly like it? I say Great job & when I need advice I know who to email now
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c
@shaedapk
Concept of advice fascinates me: why do some seek or give it? Impossible to know if it's good or bad. Variance across people's life's is incomprehensible. If 'good', will that person keep coming back? If 'bad', they'll stop? How is that person even calculating 'good' vs 'bad'
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bananas
@_twobananas_
I'm 1 year older than you. After years (as in "a decade"!) of struggling, I've found hope again. You said you're doing well, that's a great mindset to have! Wish you will get what you want soon.
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Observer
@MaximObserver
As someone who asks a lot of people their opinions about decisions I’m posed with making, and also is asked for advice on many decisions others are making, I’ll say that it’s as important to seek the perspective of people who know what failure is like as those who succeed.
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Kevin Christian
@kevin4090
This is my problem: The guy I like doesn’t like me, and I can’t seem to get over it. Is it because I don’t get interested in many people, so I think I’ll never find someone like that?
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@shaedapk
Is it to allow praise if 'good' and deflect blame if 'bad'? Also an inbuilt ~survivorship bias: unfollowed-but-turned-out-good advice, they'll remind you. Followed-but-turned-out-bad, they'll never bring it up. Thus all retrospective advice appears good.
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Abhishek Singh
@vibesbyabhi
from personal experience, i think folks almost ignore what you have going on but bc your advice helps them see/think clearly you become they're go-to.. I'll take you up on the offer someday :)
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